My Nepenthe
by Rawkysand
Summary: The journey of Commander Teresa Shepard in fighting against the Reapers... but her heart is weary and conflicted and she longs to find something - or someone - to bring stability in her life. F-Shepard/Liara.


My Nepenthe

Rawkysand

This is Teresa Shepard's point of view on her identity, fleeting emotions and a certain Dr. T'Soni.

Disclaimer – I do not own Mass Effect.

I haven't played this game in a long while, so please ignore any inaccuracy. My grammar is so-so, I can tell the difference between you're and your and that's the most important thing. My biggest problem is past, present and future tense; I tend to mix them up without realising. Oh, this reminds me of a joke. Past, present and future walks into a bar. It was tense.

Har har har.

* * *

Chapter One: Fleeting Emotions

Silence.

Cannot bear it, cannot fathom it.

This form of silence... is unbearable.

The Council did little to help me cope with this. I have done much to prove my worthiness to the Council, but they dismissed it for the umpteenth time. Am I that inadequate?

What is this feeling? What am I yearning for, what am I grieving for? Why is this happening now? My mind is in chaos.

What we discovered on Eden Prime did not help my inner battle against insanity, against lunacy. From there, what is learnt was that the geths have left the Veil for the first time in _three _hundred years. Why now? Nobody knows why. But I think – no, I know my vision has the answer. Flashes of unimaginable terror, shattering screaming flicker in my mind, impossible for a mere organic, like me, to comprehend this. Scattered, my vision had of little purpose for the time being.

I suppose that it is understandable that the Council needed more than a mere revelation that their unparalleled Spectre has gone rogue. If I was a member of the Council (utterly laughable) I would have liked a solid evidence, but being human myself, I would have considered it a possibility. After all, even the most noble of all people can fall prey to the darkness within.

Alongside with Wrex, a boisterous krogan I of late allied with, and Garrus, the rather cute turian, I stride towards Fist's headquarter behind Chora's Den. In recent light of events, I discovered that there was a quarian that had absolute evidence of Saren's reign of tyranny.

Suddenly, I find Chora's Den closed. I guess Fist knows that _I'm _coming. I am Teresa Shepard, an esteemed Commander of the Human System Alliance, a Spectre candidate. If I was facing myself, I'd be trembling with terror. The door opens and I find myself taking cover. From their shots and the way they communicated (or lack of), I can tell that the mercenaries are rather inexperienced. I signalled Wrex to storm in while I cover him and Garrus to use his sniper. I wouldn't have done this crude way but because I use such a simple and bold method it was all over in mere seconds. That was how inexperienced Fist's hired goons were. It was simply too easy, and, to be quite frank, boring.

As I progressed through the first door on the way to Fist's office, there were two cowardly workers hiding behind the crates with legs shaking. It didn't take too much persuading, I mean, intimidating, before they ran like headless squeaky salarians in the opposite direction. The easiness of this mission is so ridiculous it makes me laugh! Proving Saren's guilt may not be challenging at all, as I first suspected otherwise.

When I reached Fist's office, all I saw was him plus two defence turrets. I blinked my eyes. I couldn't believe it, all he had was just _two _turrets to defend him, from _me_. Laughable! Pathetic! Preposterous! It was all over in mere seconds, literally, with the help of exploding grenades. This is the _mighty _Fist? Then he told me all about the quarian and how I only had mere minutes or she would soon be killed. The bastard! I stomped his face in brutally, aggressively pressing him for more information. Time was, and never will be, my friend. He told me of the quarian's location but then Wrex went and blew his pitiful head up. The universe certainly won't miss him.

We ran out to rescue the quarian, except that the bar was full of highly clumsy mercenaries who couldn't even handle their guns properly to save their bloody lives. I didn't have the time for that shit, so we three didn't bother to hide and we shot while we ran. The funny thing is – we took them all down on our way and there must have been around twenty of them mercenaries. Mercenaries my arse!

Mere seconds later we arrived at the scene where seemingly more experienced mercenaries were questioning the seemingly feeble quarian. My best guess, the quarian will have an engineering trick up her sleeves. After all, quarians are notorious engineers because their homes are the infamous Migrant Fleet – a cluster of ships instead of a hometown. It was their fucking fault they got kicked out. Who can blame me? They fucking made the damned Geths.

And my guess is correct. She throws out a small device, which explodes. Smart lass. She gave me time to cover myself and shoot the mercenaries. Granted, it took longer to kill them than the ones in Chora's Den, but still pitifully easy.

Back in that arrogant Ambassador Udina's office, we brought along the humble quarian to present him with the evidence. This is proper evidence, solid evidence, the one that even the Council cannot deny. "Eden Prime was a major victory!" Saren's voice rang across the room, but the second voice was unfamiliar, "And one step closer to the Reapers." It was a beautiful husky voice, like an aged woman who smoked all her life, or of an Asari Matriarch. Many Asari Matriarchs, having lived for more than 700 years, have such delicious husky voices. Maybe Councillor what-her-name will know the identity of the Matriarch.

Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, damn those long quarian names, asked to join me and my foolish quest into saving the good civilisations of the Universe from the Reapers. She seemed to give off... _puppy eyes_? How can I refuse her after that? But more importantly, I needed one of the galaxy's best engineers. After all, who are the better engineers than the race that created a new entire race that could think? In a way, they played God. And I needed just one of them.

Standing in front of these Councillors know-it-alls (especially that blasted smug Turian, I've never took a liking to him), Udina presented the evidence of Saren's reign of tyranny. The asari commented on the second voice. It was indeed an Asari Matriarch, by the name of Benezia. Udina argu- I meant, debated with the Councillor and suddenly I am the first human Spectre.

Oh wait, what is this? I am a Spectre now? I didn't expect it to be... endorsed that quickly. I was expecting mountains of paperwork, but then again that is politician's job. Time is a virtue, the Asari Councillor said to me, and that I must proceed quickly as possible.

Returning to the politician's office, he stripped Anderson of his ship and handed over the Normandy to me. I protested, I did not want Anderson to be stripped off that easily but Anderson made a point – "The Normandy's the only ship for you."

Upon entering the Normandy as a captain, I loved her in a different way. She was _mine_, even though I did not like the fact that it was snatched from Anderson.

With a heavy heart, I set off to Theron to find the daughter of that husky voice.


End file.
